You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
COCAINE IS GR8
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
