He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
