I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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