I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
