So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
