She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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