Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
