I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize