BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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