you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
