He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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