My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
