one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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