and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
