My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
