So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
