I didn't shave. On purpose
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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