sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
