1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
