hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
