Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
