I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
