So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
