if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
