I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
