one word: firstdatebathroomanal
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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