Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
