Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
