Nicole vs. Life
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
