walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
