You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize