my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
