i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
