can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
