After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize