Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
