Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
