The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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