you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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