Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I need to align my fucking chakras
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
