i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I love having hate sex.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
