How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
