So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
