How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
