so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
