I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
