wake up i wanna do it froggy style
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
