I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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