I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
