wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
