im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
