I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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