I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
