the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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