i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
