Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
