you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
