my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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