Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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