This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
