Whod you bang
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
