Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
where are you?
Hypothermia
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
