Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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