I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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