I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
