they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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