Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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