I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
