Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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