Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
