We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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