I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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