piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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